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        I took some of this from a prayer I had/have and put in more detail to show whats been going on. 

     "I know awhile back when I was riding the bus from the Bazar you spoke to me. I love riding the bus because there's something about the simplicity of it and of the people that take the bus that I love. I feel comfortable with them. While looking out the window at the suns beaming rays that shone powerfully through the big fluffy white clouds, I asked you gently where you want me. I heard almost instantly and very clearly that I was right where you wanted me, in your will. A smile creeped on my face because during the times when I know I have clearly heard your voice, I feel the most peace and everything for that moment is perfect. When you spoke to me that day, life was good. I was feeling content with the unknown. I was seeing your hand at work in my friends lives. I was seeing my friend start to open her ears to what you wanted them to hear, and you were using me to share this with her. The culture here felt like home, a safe place in obedience to you. Your word brings life when I read it, but during that season, I could feel it penetrate to my bones, and I wanted more! I was motivated and excited. I felt the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me and was exceptionally excited about life and confident in myself because of the promises and truth you had been revealing to about yourself and the power of your Holy Spirit living in me…."

     I have realized over the past three weeks during this downward spiral into a different season of being dry spiritually and feeling like I haven't been nourishing myself in the word, that there are things that happen that put me in these funks, and I all them slowly creep in happen more and more. 

     I may have mentioned this before, but when a couple of ladies came to TheStan and put on a women's retreat for expats, one of the ladies talked about her funks she gets in and she finds herself in them when she wants to watch movies all the time, or sits on Facebook wasting time. I was talking about this with another girl who went to the retreat as well. I told her that the last few weeks have been dry and its hard to get out of this season because I see this horrible habit forming of constantly being online, watching T.V. series and movies or just sleeping and not being motivated at all to read a good book, open the bible or get my work done. I feel like theres a weight on my arms that gets heavier every time I try to overcome it with even simple tasks. My friend asked me what is the cause of this. Are these unmotivated actions the symptoms or the cause of what is going on? I was really thankful she asked me this. It has made me pay closer attention to the things that set me off during this dry season, and look back to where it started. 

    I don't blame it fully on the enemy but I remember the day when I could feel him at work again. I had spent the night before with one of my closest friends and I was able to share with her about the gift I have been giving from God's Son. We walked through so many truths and stories, and she listened. I have been here for some time now, and the other worker who was with me that night has been here even longer, and neither of us have ever had one of our friends listen the way my friend did that night. It was incredible! 

     Then, just the next day I was feeling defeated with some of the stomach problems I have been having. I took a good chunk of time off of eating certain foods, and kept a log of what I was feeling, when I felt it and what I ate that day. This particular day, my stomach was in terrible pains. The nurse on our team looked up a few possibilities, and while she read the one possibility to me, I just cried. I was so sick of being in pain and not knowing the reason behind it, but also fearful of what the rest of my life could look like due to these possibilities. I had been frustrated before, but knew that God was faithful, in control, had a plan and until I saw a doctor, nothing was certain anyways. 

But not this day. Just frustrated and overwhelmed with emotion that left me feeling like a helpless little girl. 

     I soaked in my self pity that day, promising myself that I could have one day to feel frustrated, but I had to keep on with life after that. I did not want this to get the best of me. That same day we talked in the Jonah study I was apart of about the enemy wanting to distract us from our work, and he will use anything to do that. I thought about this things that distracted me during the last dry season I was in, and that was mostly the future and school. The oppression came in ways I didn't' expect it. I could see this frustration with my health becoming something like a distraction, and now processing and looking back on when this funk might have started..I think it started then. 

     Even though it was for a little while, I took my eyes off Jesus and fixed them on my problem. I let myself be in self pity and the enemy is always on the prowl. Then, the symptoms started to kick in, which then, adds to the cause of these low times till the glass isn't as full as it was. I also see myself getting annoyed really fast at my roommates, or being overly sensitive to things people are saying around me. My true colors start to show as I try to rely on my own strength and on the One above. A huge thing that gets me every time is thoughts about the future. something I always worry about, but I never end up having much of a say in anyways because God has always directed my paths so clearly and informed me of what is next when His timing is right. I have spent the last two days more focused on what School I might go to rather than my friends and work that is in front of me now.  

     

"…Those truths about having the same power living in me that rose your son from the grave.You are the one and only almighty God, and I know you allow me to go through these seasons to be stretched and to grow deeper in your truths. Lord, I am exhausted. During these times it feels like sandpaper on my soul. I know you are Faithful cause I continue to see you at work in and around me. I know you are gracious and compassionate. I know you are the great Shepherd who guides His flocks, and makes them lie down in green grass near still waters. Because of your love for me, I will lean into you. I will turn my eyes back onto you, and give my worries to you 'cause I know you care for me. Thank you Lord for your promise that by putting my hope in You, you will renew my strength, and I will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint."

Jezhan Pirozbeit!

      This weekend was FULL of cultural experiences. I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had!

The whole city is off of school and work for at least four days, but some have it off for longer for the Holiday Called “Eid” in Arabic, or Jezhin Qurban in the language of the locals for where I am at. This means “Feast of the Sacrifice.” Going into this holiday, I thought that it was their time to sacrifice a sheep, goat, or cow that would be the main sacrifice for their sins for the year. But, Apparently this is not correct.

      The first day of the Holiday was on Friday. My best friend and her sister invited us over to their house for the early morning breakfast that is traditional for every family take part in on the first morning of this holiday. When I woke up to go to their house, it felt like a typical holiday morning. The weather was cool, but the sun was shining and when we got the house of our friends, it smelled of delicious food. All the neighbors were out, walking back from the local “Mzq,” and very happy that it was a holiday. I spent the morning with my friends eating rice, chicken, and a traditional apricot soup (which is my favorite), and meeting my friends family members.

      The traditions of the holiday are to eat and visit as many of your friends and family as you can in those four days. While I was at their house, neighbors were dropping by all morning to say hello and to get a piece of candy. This is acceptable for everyone to do, even if you don't know your neighbors, it is tradition to still go and visit. Someone from the family must stay at home incase visitors come, but they take shifts to go out and visit friends and family.

Saturday morning I went for a walk with my roommate. We walked past an open garage with a family standing outside around the garage door, and we saw blood and water flowing into the street. We stopped and talked to the women in the family for a few minutes and watched the men killing a cow in the garage. Of course we were invited to stay, or to come back and to eat with them and a whole bunch of other stuff in their language that I haven't learned yet, but it is customary to be as welcoming and hospitable as possible, even if we are complete strangers. 

     Sunday morning I was washing the dishes and I could hear a banging on our front gate. I was told that because we are foreigners we wouldn't get visits from people, so I was confused as to why someone was at our house. When I went outside, out neighborhood had lots of people in the streets, and a family walking up and down the street banging on peoples doors to give them meat from their sacrificed animal. I took the gift and invited the young girl inside, but she said thankyou and kept passing out meat to everyone else in the neighborhood.

     I spent all afternoon with a friend who has been helping me a little here and there with language, and I like her family very much. I got to eat with them, drink tea, eat a lot of kurdish candies and even help with the dishes which is not something I usually get to help with no matter how much I insist. It was quite the experience. Even though this family has a full kitchen with cabinets, counters and a sink, we sat on the floor in what we would call a mud room or laundry room in the states, and with a house and large basins washed the dishes. I had a blast doing dishes this way.

     After a little longer I went to another friends house for about an hour and ate more nuts and visited with her.This friend is one of the most devoted to the local beliefs of all my friends and is hard to share with sometimes because she does not seem very interested, but I still love her and enjoy learning from her about their traditions and beliefs. She informed me that my assumptions of this holiday were wrong. The holiday is for remembering Ibrihim and his willingness to sacrifice his son, Ishmael out of obedience to God. But then God provided an animal instead, so Ishmael (who was fully aware of what was happening and who agreed without question to be sacrificed) didn't have to die. (This is their version of the story).

     After this visit, I went to my neighborhood and met a few neighbors for the first time visiting them, speaking only their language. It was great to be able to practice what I have been learning and to meet some of our neighbors who probably already know everything I told them about what I do and where I am from since they watch us constantly.

      But overall, this holiday was a lot of fun. By the end of the weekend, I was completely exhausted and needed to sleep, but I had my language hours done for the week and really enjoyed being immersed as much as possible into the culture.

Jezhan Pirozbeit everyone!!

Ms. Rosie

       After field forum was over, I was fortunate that I was able to go to the country where Jesus spent His life and where He did ministry. It was an amazing experience, but I didn't just experience history while I was there, I was traveling alone. This took on an element of trust that once again was not expected.

       After Field Forum, I stayed at some friends house for a day relaxing and hanging out with their family. The next morning, they dropped me off at the boarder, where I walked across into the country I have been eagerly wanting to visit for a long time. I was a little nervous about this because I am traveling alone, and I have stamps in my passport that could raise question as to why I am here and traveling alone. It took at least 10 minutes to get through all the questioning, but thankfully the worse I had prepared myself for did not happen, and I got through just fine.

        The bus I wanted to take didn't leave till 6 hours later than I hoped, so I emailed the guest house I would be staying at to let them know that I would be quite a bit later than I had expected and about the time I would be arriving. I checked my email multiple times that day and I never heard back from them.

The bus ride went smoothly, getting a taxi was easy, but once I got to the place where I was staying, it looked like no one was there, so I thought I had the wrong place. I walked up and down that street and asked a lot of people if they knew anything about it, but no one was any help. I called and called the numbers I had, but nothing went through. I found a hostel and used their internet to try and get ahold of the guest house, but still nothing. I planned on just staying in the hostel that night, but there was no room, so I went out in a city that I know nothing about around 1030 at night and I tried to find a place to stay.

       I came across the city train system and asked an old lady named Rosie if she knew where a hostel was. She knew barely any English, but understood that I did not have a place to stay. She tried to help me call, and ask others that might speak better English for help, but really she just insisted that I stay with her for the night. Man, I was praying hard. I felt okay going with her, but I didn't want the guest house to worry, so I prayed that they wouldn’t and went with this lonely old lady who didn't speak English to her house. She was so welcoming. She knew French, but not English. Her son lives in America, so she called him and had him speak to me in English to let me know that I could take a shower and stay as long as I needed to. I told her I was a Christian, which I think was obvious to her because I was clutching my bible and reading it every free chance I had.

       This whole time, I wasn't comfortable, thats forsure. But I remembered stories of friends who had done work overseas before and lived on so little money that they had to trust almost daily that God was going to provide for them. When I was comforted while reading Isaiah 40:11 as well as that days Jesus Calling.

       “Whisper my name in recognition that I am still with you” 

       “Accept each day as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set

of circumstances. Instead, trust me enough to yield to me design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from my loving presence; you are mine.”

      Rosie was a sweet lady, and even though the next morning I felt terrible and was pretty upset when I called home, I think it was a good thing I stayed with her that night. She seemed so lonely. She seemed so happy to have a guest stay at her house. She kept asking me to stay longer and pointed to her self saying “I be your mamma, I be your mamma.” I pray somehow, even though that night is not something I hope to relive, that she is blessed by our time together, because she did bless me.

Isaiah 43:1 “Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name. You are mine.”             

Field Forum

      After all the craziness of getting to Egypt from where I have been living, I am so thankful for the blessing that Field Forum is. If you have read my previous post, you know that this sumer had been extremely dry. I had been looking forward to Field Forum for quite some time. It was so awesome getting to see friends from the Salem Team, to get to know the speaker and his wife, and also to meet other families who are also working for our company.

     Sunder, our speaker was great. He talked about holiness and repentance. He talked about the importance of being emotionally healthy, in order to have a healthy spirituality, and that it is okay to set aside a day of our week to have for ourselves to be with God and rest. He talked about the doctrine of adoption and our acceptance in Christ. To be honest, because of where I have been all summer spiritually, it was hard for me to focus in on some of his talks. But I did take a lot of notes so that I can look back on what he had to say. His wife shared one morning with just the women, and this was a powerful time for me. I can't remember all that she said, but what did stand out to me was how in everything Suunders wife did, she asked for the Lords guidance first. The Lord moved in my heart that morning and I was convicted to seek the Lord in even the small things.

      I loved what Sunder had to say about taking a sabbath, and this is something our team has discussed a little bit about, is making sure to take one day off and to not feel guilty about it. It's our day to be with the Lord. He said in his message that God created the world in 6 days, and on the seventh he rested. But man was created on the 6^th day, so they started out their existence by resting on their first day, but Gods seventh day. This was really good for me to hear, because usually when I look for rest, it is because I am exhausted, burnt out, and I don't have anything more to run on. By looking at it differently, I can start my week filled up and rested so that I can pour out, instead of hanging by a thread all week, waiting desperately for a time to be filled up again. Suunder reminded us that it's good to say no, that it is not my work that defines me. This also was a good reminder for me to hear.

      The rest of Forum was amazing. I am beyond grateful that people from Salem were able to come out and serve the children, and to bless us with amazing servants hearts and their refreshing attitudes. I loved meeting the other workers from different countries and hearing how they have struggled with living in the Middle East, and the joys of it from living over here longterm as well. Field Forum was a great time and I am so grateful that it was included in my time here because I am seeing how important it is to get out of country once and while to be refreshed and to be reminded and encouraged in what we're doing.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

      So I need to be honest with myself here, I live in the desert. It's hot, I'm away from my family and everything that is familiar to me, there is something about being overseas that takes hours longer to get anything done, there is almost no visible fruit from the work I am trying to do here, I have been sick with stomach problems more times than I can count, and you would think that by now I would be used to the food I'm eating. Basically, I need to be leaning hard into God, but there are times when I honestly don't feel like it. Laziness and giving into my flesh of wanting to just watch movies all the time and sleeping seems more life giving, cause my bible weighs a thousand pounds.

     This is how I have been feeling so far this summer.

     For two weeks during June we had a great team of guys come from New Jersey to help us run our kids camp. I was looking forward to this because I love kids. but the kids here are SO hard to work with. There is no discipline in this culture, and to run a kids camp for 2 hours every on top of teaching and everything else we do, I was exhausted.
    I got really sick at the beginning of the second week. I threw up, but the real issue was really bad congestion in my chest. Because I was sick at the end of May and didn't take it easy I made it worse, so this time I really wanted to lay low and try to feel better. My head heard, I couldn't take deep breaths properly, so I slept a lot and stayed in bed. This also sucked cause I wanted to help with kids camp, but I had no energy. I had so much time to be reading the word and listening in stillness for what He could be teaching me, but instead movies and sleep took up my time. I tried a couple days that week to suck it up and help with the camp or coffee shop, but that was a terrible idea. Last week I had a fever of about 103 and it wouldn't break. I stayed a couple nights at Stacy's cause she is an amazing nurse, but it took forever to get over this. On top of being sick physically, I have been in such a dry place spiritually and until now I haven't wanted to admit it.
   I think I am at war within myself. I want to know what I'm supposed to do after this year. I want to stay till May, but what is after that? Time is going by so fast and I don't know what school to go to, what to go to school for and what the right thing for me to do is. I want to make a difference, but here I am on the other side of the world were 90 some percent of the people in this region don't know truth, and all I can think about is what is coming after this? Have I not learned yet that He will reveal that to me? Have I not learned that it is better to live for this season and to give my everything for His kingdom where I am?
    I could go on and on with all the things that have been going on in my head, but bottom line I feel stuck. I can feel His presence cause He promised me He would never leave me, and also cause that's what I was asking that people would be praying for me. But, I don't feel like I can get out of this rut. I know a lot of it is because I don't even want to pick up the Bible, and praying is hard to cause I know He's going to tell me to read His word and to draw close to Him, but my stubbornness right now doesn't really want to.
   I know this is not the most encouraging message right now, but it's honest for where I am at.

The Death March.

I live in such a beautiful part of the Middle East! 

I can’t even begin to explain to you how excited I was for this day. Crazy to think I was excited for a death march, but the trip got its name after the experience. 

First, it started a week before the hike, I asked Stacy if we could go hiking somewhere for our day off. She informed me that there was a Swiss man living in the City named Andy who was planning a hike up Mt. Piramagrun, the largest Mountain to climb near our city. I was all aboard and the group coming was going to be a lot of fun. 

Unfortunately, I got sick the day before the hike. This awful flu bug was going around our team, and I got it the day before we were supposed to go hiking, as well as Erin who was supposed to fly out that night. I had a lot of things I wanted to do with her before she left, but instead we spent our last day together in separate rooms sleeping. By the end of the day Thursday I was feeling a lot better. I prayed that I would feel okay to go on the hike. I woke up at 1am on Friday and was feeling a lot better. We took Erin to the airport and then met everyone else at the center by 3am to start the hike. I was so excited and so thankful that I was feeling okay to do this hike!

We got to the mountain around 4am. It was still dark out and we began our hike. I didn’t have a back pack so Mathew, (a boy from LA who lives at our center and works in the city as an engineer) and I shared a bag he had. This ended up working out great, cause the hike was a little harder than we had expected. It was a very big mountain, but past mountains I have hiked has a clear trail which usually involved switch backs. This had neither of that. It did have sharp knife like rocks that slid down when you stepped on them. So Matt took our bag and I carried someone else’s and took some extra weight to make it easy for other hikers. 

Thankfully the people we went with were great sports and had decent attitudes even though in some area's the ground gave away and so often you had to dodge a falling rock. After 4 hours or so of hiking we made it to a more level spot closer to the top. Once at the top I got really sick, but I insisted on making it the rest of the way. Most of the girls stayed behind on the more level spot of the mountain to rest while the rest of us submitted to the top. Andy brought climbing gear and I was super excited to be able to actually climb a little. We spent some time at the peak of the mountain and took a few pictures. On the way back down to our bags, I could feel my stomach not being very happy with me, and I got sick again. 

After that I was done. 

But this is where the story actually gets interesting. 

Michael, Russel and Tyler started down the mountain with me. I just wanted to get to the bottom. On our way down we ran into some other hikers that were hiding on the side of the cliff taking shelter. They kept saying something about being careful with the rocks, “be careful, be careful!” Michael tried to explain to them that we were being as careful as we could to not step on lose rocks, but its so steep sometimes it just happened. We apologized and said we did our best to be careful. I thought the hikers were just waiting for our group to come down to not risk being hit by any rocks. We get a little further down the mountain and meet up with a few hikers that were apart of our group but had left early. They said that one of the hikers from the other group had been hit pretty hard by a rock, but help was on the way. Tyler stayed to help out group down, while Russel, Michael and I kept trekkin to the bottom. 

Then up came the police. Out of the three of us we barely knew any of the language and the police kept trying to talk to us. They would not leave us alone though about which direction to take down, but really...there is only one way and that is down. We could see our destination and there isn’t much chance of getting lost because its just a steep mountain side. We finally just ignored the police and kept hiking down. A couple hours later we finally get down to the bottom. I still don’t feel that great, bust mostly feel sunburnt and dehydrated. I couldn’t keep water or any food down, so I avoided it. Mike, Russel and I got to the bottom and knew the rest of our group was at least 2 or so hours behind us. By now its after 3pm and we thought we would be back in the

city around noon. Mike had a meeting he had to be back at by 5. We called Stacy and made sure she had her keys because I had her back pack and asked if we could go early. I didn’t have my residency card on me which you need to leave and get back into the city, but we risked it and drove home anyways. Thankfully, there was no problems. 

Then, I get a call from Stacy saying that they were closer to the top still with the hikers from the other group and one of them had been hit really hard with a rock. The police were there and insisted that Stacy and the others with them ride in the helicopter back with the injured man, or they would get arrested. Stacy was grateful for this because she had also gotten sick and didn’t want to hike the rest of the way down the mountain. 

I didn’t have my phone or my keys to the house and my roommate wasn’t home. Thankfully Katie and Scott were living at the center, so Katie let me shower and gave me clean clothes and took good care of me. Russel went straight to bed, and Michael went home for his meeting. A couple hours passes and I get a call from Michael ( I had Stacy’s phone) asking if he could fill his team in a little more about where stacy was cause one of his local friends had called him to make sure he was okay. The news that night was showing that 7 Italians were being lifted from the mountain by a helicopter, and Michaels team was getting worried about Stacy. 

Finally I got home around 9pm, and my roommate got a call from a local friend making sure we were okay as well because of what she had seen on the news. It wasn’t till the next day that I heard from Stacy, and they didn’t get home till after 9, and never got to ride on the helicopter. The mountain was to steep to land anywhere, so they threw the injured guy into the helicopter, and everyone else hiked down. 

Matt, one of the guys on the hike had just heard from one of his local friends that he got his helicopter license by paying a little extra money. Maybe its a good thing they didn’t ride back in the helicopter.

Thankfully the man from the other group is fine, and everyone else got home safe and sound. It was a crazy hike but definitely one of the worst/best days of my time here.

I will never forget the death march. 

“A Drink of Hope."

The rest of the week with the Salem team was awesome. It started out great with Katie’s wise words the Sunday that the team arrived, and then went onto being even better. 

Barb and Jen lead our team through some worship, prayer and listening times. We took all day Tuesday to be open to what God might be trying to say to us. I had a lot of fun reading Proverbs and praying over verses that stood out to me. It was like I was actually hanging out with Jesus, which was very refreshing and intimate. 

Throughout the week I was able to go with the team to the Bazar, to members homes for meals and we had the team over to our house for lunch as well. I loved showing them around the place I call home. I helped a little with retreat stuff and was looking forward to a weekend away from the City. When the retreat came, Jen asked me to sing with her and this got me really excited. I love singing and I hadn’t done very  much of it since being in Kstan, and I was going to do it all weekend with her. 

The retreat was held out at the Fountain of Love. A center that is ran by Samaritans Purse. The team that runs the center is very close with our team, so it was a blast being out there for the weekend.During free time we were able to play catch with the football and spend time outside which I don’t get to do in the city, but this kind of play keeps me sane. There were about 30-40 women that came out for the retreat. The weekend was called “A Drink of Hope.”

One of the many things that came up repeatedly from Jen and Barb throughout the week was to not always push aside the things that are on our minds when trying to sit and be still with God. So many times we sit down to spend our “quiet time” with Him, but our minds are swarmed with to do lists or something that is on the forefront of our minds and we can’t seem to push it aside. They encouraged us to address those things before God. Most likely that could be something He wants us to work through that day, and if we keep pushing it aside to focus on him, we aren’t being real with what’s actually going on. It was amazing how much easier my time with God went if I just first wrote out all the things I needed to do that day, and gave it to Him. 

That Saturday morning during the retreat I started my morning with writing down everything going on in my mind and giving it up to God. There was a lot. Then God spoke to me. Exodus 14:!4 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” I felt so much peace after that time with God and was excited to wait on Him to fight for me, and to see how things would turn out. But also excited for that day that lay ahead, and how He would use worship, and the messages to speak to me. 

That night, Jen spoke on a lot of really good things, but she shared that same verse in Exodus. It was so good to hear again, and confirmed to me that God really wanted me to be still and wait while He fought for me.

There was a lot of other great things Jen and Bard brought for us that weekend, that maybe I will share again, but the main thing that got me fired up was knowing that 

I am God’s beloved, and He will fight all my battles for me. I just need to be still. 

“...For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

        The end of April has been a great time here in the KStan. There hasn’t been a day where Gods presence hasn’t been felt since being here, but lately its been a really good time for me to draw closer to God and to learn a lot about trusting, waiting, and letting Him fight for me. 

A team from Salem came out recently to put on a retreat for the women here in Kstan. I was really excited to see them! I didn’t realize though how dry it is here until I saw them and I wanted to cry. It was like a huge wave of water coming to fill up our dusty and dry streams. I think most of it too was happiness to see a familiar face, and God knowing what that week held for me. 

After we spent the morning they came together as a team doing introductions and time in prayer, we took a break for the afternoon. I went over to Scott and Katie’s and spent a couple hours talking with Katie. It was really good to unload some things I feel like God has been trying to teach me. Katie is so wise and was really encouraging. She challenged me with a few things for that week and I knew that I was going to go to a place with God that I hadn’t been to in a while. 

A main thing I feel like God is trying to teach me is contentment. Before I got here, and even now, I have been wrestling with this idea of possibly living oversea’s the rest of my life, singleness, and trusting that God has the best in store for me. It amazes me how much I thought I was okay with whatever God threw at me, until He brought some of these things to my attention as possibilities. I had dreams of living in America, raising my family and living this idealist American Dream. But when I surrendered my whole life to Jesus, He is showing me that He has different plans for me. 

Katie showed me Philippians 4:13 that says “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” Great verse right? What I never considered before was the context of this verse. Paul is talking about how he has learned to be content whatever the circumstances. He said he knows what it is to be in need, and to know what it is to have plenty. He learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed, or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Then he says he can do all things through Him who gives him strength. This hit me hard that day when Katie showed me this verse. God is really trying to teach me contentment. But its not like he’s going to throw me into this hard, oversea’s, uncomfortable situation and not be there to strengthen me through it. Or, maybe He will send me home to live in America, but being content and living simply is a lot harder than it is oversea’s when your forced to live a simpler life. But he’ll give me the strength to do that. Or, maybe my desire to have a family of my own will be met in ways that I had never expected before. I could work in an orphanage and love on those kids who don’t know what love is because they are scared and alone. Or, be a nanny to a family and show the kids Jesus through loving and taking care of them. The possibilities are endless, and only God knows what my future holds. But I can take comfort in knowing that through learning to be content in all these situations, He will give me the strength I need! 

I was very thankful for that Sunday afternoon with Katie, and the way God used her to speak to me.

The big move

The kitchens here come completely empty,
no sinks, counters or cabinets. This was before
our "kitchen" got moved in.

      When I got here I lived in the basement of one of the others from our team who live here long term. They had a full house upstairs, and turned the basement/garage into an apartment for the girl interns. It was a weird layout, but still a great place to live. Because the family we were living with was headed back to the States for a year, they couldn't keep their house. Therefore, we needed to find a new place to live. It was starting to get closer to the time when we needed to move, and there was still no house for us intern girls. I remember sitting through a prayer time and hearing the news that they had looked at a house. It wasn't the best, but it might have to do. I remember asking God that He would provide a home for us that would best suit what we needed. Later that afternoon they found a place for us!

      Not long after we were painting the upstairs for us interns to move in! The upstairs has two bedrooms, a bathroom, a huge kitchen and a nice sized family room. The down stairs also has a full apartment, and will be Stacy's home in December when the lease runs up for the house she is in now. The move didn't take long because of the help we had from a team who came from Wisconsin to see the center and serve where needed. It was great having them a long, and always so refreshing to have people from the states here to visit.
      Our new place has been great. There is more than enough space for us, and we have one of the best kitchens! I have been learning how to cook and our kitchen has more than enough space for me to spread out and try new things! The location is great! It is within ten minutes of Mark and Kirsten's, the Life Center, a grocery store and the International Chrch. Our house has a great garden out front, and there is a park and very small, but great Doucan (Very small market) on the same street as our house. I am grateful for such a great place to live, and am looking forward to when Stacy will move in downstairs.

Easter Weekend

          Easter weekend was a blast here in the Kstan! There is an International Chrch. here in the city that I go to for fellowship with other foreigners that are believers, and we put together an Easter play for anyone to come and see. Because the planning started taking place before I even arrived, I was pre volunteered to have a speaking line for the drama. I was Martha and my friend Rachel was Mary. Although I only had a few lines, I was having the hardest time remembering what I was to say and butchered the lines during rehearsal almost every time. Thankfully, during the performance it wasn't so bad, and we made it through. The rest of the drama was done to some songs by Newsong. We had Jesus on the cross, guards, crowds, weeping women, the whole bit. Some of our friends came to the production since we were in it, and we had feedback from them that they felt "thirsty" from watching it. How great is that! After the production there was loads of desserts and fellowship with everyone. 

         The next day was Easter. Our friend Michael who lives outside the city came into town and took us hiking. The interns, Stacy, and a guy Matt who lives at the Life Center with Russel, all went on the trek. I'm not sure the name of the mountain we hiked, because our team calls it Stacy Mountain after..well, Stacy! She somehow gets everything named after her ;) 

       During the spring everything is green! It was so pretty walking up the hill and doing a little climbing to get to the top and over look the country side. It was a relaxing and awesome way to spend Easter morning with great friends. 

       Later that afternoon the team met at the center with the Samaritans Purse team for a huge feast! I was beginning to like cooking at this point and volunteered to make the potatoes and candied carrots. I thought not being at home for a magor holiday was going to be difficult. I missed my family for sure, but it was clear to me on Easter that God has blessed me with a family here. 

High Fives apparently aren't acceptable

During my first team here, I have been teaching level 1. My students have been great and getting to know them in class. I try to be energetic and to grab my students attention with examples from life back home, or how with what I am learning about their culture. They seem to like it. I know I have had a successful class when there was lots of smiles and when I’m completely exhausted afterwards.

I teach to both men and women, but mostly men come to the Life Center to take classes. My best student was a male. He was a fast learner and was not afraid to volunteer to practice his English in front of the class when needed. He also helps me a lot by explaining things to the other students if they do not understand. 

Recently, this particular student came to the front of the class and practiced a conversation with me from the book. He did an exceptional job and I was SO excited that he had done so well. Although, my students seem to like my energy and excitement, I learned the hard way that High Fives are probably not the best way to encourage a male student. Thankfully they showed me some grace, but after we were done practicing the conversation I tried to give the student a high five. I knew as soon as I raised my hand to give it to him that what I was about to do was culturally inappropriate. I think I turned bright red and he refused my offer of encouragement. The rest of the class burst into laughter at my mistake. I’m thankful for the smiles though because they could have reacted differently and I would have felt a lot worse. I apologized over and over and over again, and thankfully the student was really understanding and didn’t have a problem with me, he just wasn’t going to touch me. 

I got most of the class to settle down so that we could move on and finish the lesson, except two guys who sat in the back. They would NOT stop giggling over my mistake. At the end of class I apologized to the student again for the mistake I made, and my other favorite/really good student explained to me that its not okay for men to touch women, especially since that student is a married man and following their cultures religious ways, it is better for me to not do that. But he was very nice about it. As he was explaining this to me, the two guys in the back giggled and piped in that if I had tried to give them a high five, they would have been okay with it. These men are also married. I felt a little more creeped out by that comment and was happy that I had made the mistake by trying to give a high five to the student that I did. 

I think my lesson had been learned, but high fives are a common thing back home, so I hope that out of impulse I don’t make this same mistake in the months to come.

Nawroz

  I love it here, and so far my favorite day since being here has been Nawroz! 

This was a sight to see on the street!
Literally everyone gets involved with

this holiday!!

         My second day here we went to the Bazar with the Salem team and I got to pick out my very own, already made Jili Kurdi. I felt like I was going to pass out being in the bazar with all the new smells, having a headache from jet lag and the idea of wearing so much jewelry and sparkly clothing for Nawroz made me especially overwhelmed. Once the holiday rolled around I was more okay with this idea, seeing that it is very customary to dress this way!

        

The guys getting their picture
taken with the guards.

Our team dressed for the occasion!

        Nawroz day everyone goes picnicking outside the city, but the day before a huge pre-party happens downtown on the main street. The road is shut down and seriously everyone gets dressed up and fills the streets! As a team we got together around noon and had pictures. The interns and a couple of other friends went for lunch and then fled for the main street to join the rest of the city. 

      It took us a couple hours to meet up with our local friends who were selling Jewelry they made at a museum because the street was so packed with people! This day was incredible hanging out with so many great people and getting a feel for the culture.

      What I didn't expect, was that so many complete strangers would want a photo with us. It took us so long to walk the streets not only because there were o many people, but because about half of them wanted to take a picture with us! I felt like a celebrity just because I had blonde hair and was American!

One of the many photos take as a celebrity.

        After spending a bunch of time on the streets, we decided to head upstairs to the balcony of one of the largest malls in the city. We waited for a long time to get a seat on the balcony, but once we finally did it was well worth it. The view was spectacular! We waited another hour or so to order ice cream and it was amazing. 

  After the sunset, fireworks were set off over the city, and we started to head back to our house. It took ages to walk back to Stacy's where we got her car and piled 8 people into her small car to drive home! That was an experience in itself and a memory that gets brought up often.

    The real holiday began the next day when we loaded up the center van to go on a picnic up in the gorgeous mountains. We took two local friends with us who have become some of my best local friends since then. The day was filled with walking down to the water, lots of food, lots of dancing and a boat ride around the harbor. This was the first time my local friends had ever been on a boat. 

Nawroz was a great day to get to know so many people and to experience the culture I would be apart of for such a long time. I fell in love with this place instantly, and am felt so blessed that I was surrounded by such gorgeous sites in the Middle East!

Resting, and Dreaming.

If you haven't caught on already..I am not the best writer, (spelling, grammar, word choice, ect.) and when I blog..it turns into something like a novel. So hang in there through yet another posting. Last summer was yet another unforgettable summer, but there was some things I had a hard time swallowing. Just another example of God putting me in situations that are out of my comfort zone, and making me trust him instead of people or myself. I was raised to work hard..and to earn what you have. I still think this is a valuable lesson, and one that if the Lord blesses me with children some day I will pass on to them. I am used to working as much as I can and giving my everything into what I'm doing, filling my schedule to the max and making rest the last priority. Last spring I stopped working at Hot off the press the beginning of the summer because it was becoming to much to work all the time, they were slowing way down with scrapbooking orders and didn't need the help as much. I was going to visit family in Canada for two weeks, so I thought this would be a good time to not go into the ware house as often. I work for Golden Valley Farms in the summer time, and this year I was told that I would be able to work in Eastern Oregon for the few weeks before the season started in the valley...So I took off the rest of the summer from Jamba as well. But when I returned from Canada then End of June, the fields were to wet to start work. Working for grass seed farmers means waiting. One day it could be to damp to start work, but the next day its warmer and not as humid so we can get started. So I waited. For about 3-4 weeks. Nothing. I picked up a few shifts here and there at Jamba, but I couldn't commit to a weekly schedule, not knowing what would be happening with the farm. Praise the Lord they are so laid back at Jamba and let me work for them that way. So it was hard to fight stress. I was supposed to have thousands and thousands of dollars in order to move to the Middle East, and I wasn't even working. It was very humbling and a great time to rest in the Lord, and trust that HE will look after the finances and make things happen.

BUT I felt lazy, like I wasn't doing my part. He assured me that being still, and finding time off and resting was what He wanted for me for this season of my life. Once combining started I felt better because I had work, and God was ready to keep teaching me things. Again, we read a lot of books and chatted about them among the crew, I got to know my farmer a lot better, and there were two high school girls on our crew that I got really close with as well. I will never forget when my combine caught on fire on the same day that the bank out wagon full of seed broke and we had to dump the whole thing on the ground in order to fix the problem. I almost hit an idiot while driving my combine through west salem because the truck tried to pass me around a corner. My heart is pounding just thinking about that. But I love that job, Im really going to miss it.

I've had some of the best memories and the best encounters with God from the time in my combine. Who else do you talk to when you have 12 hrs a day by yourself? A big thing that God brought to my attention last summer was His communication through dreams. Since I can remember I have been a dreamer. It is shocking if I sleep through the night without something happening. One sunday this summer we got off work early and I spent the afternoon (like I do every summer during combining season) with my best friend Kristen. Later that night we had two girls over from the youth group for pedicures and movies. Kristen was working on homework while I took the girls down stairs and fell asleep on the couch watching friends. I had a super vivid dream that night. It is long and confusing to explain through this, but basically throughout the dream I felt darkness, and this urgency to be in prayer and to need prayer while I am in the Middle East. I was saying over and over again that the oppression is strong now and it'll be even harder while I'm gone so to be praying for me. There are other things as well, but I woke up cause I spoke something in real life.I don't know what, but it woke me up. I felt weird and I went and shared my dream with Kristen who was still up working on homework. I opened my bible, and the verse I turned to was the Colossians verse that I call "my verse" for being overseas. (colossians 4:2) I couldn't shake the feeling of darkness, and the urgency to pray. I shared that with my mentor and she opened my eyes to the possibility that God could be speaking to me through my dreams. She prayed with me and gave me the number of a lady from our church that is also a dreamer and who would have a lot more knowledge in this area. My eyes were opened to the possibility that God really does talk to us in our dreams. There are so many passages about this in the Old testament of people He approached to in a dream. It is the time when we are the stillest. In our sleep, seeking rest, that is a great time for Him to grab our attention.
  When I met with the lady who is a dreamer and has received many things from the Lord through her dreams, it was a very rich time of prayer and scripture reading. It was a great eye opener. I am still sorting through a lot of dreams and praying through many things..but I know in the Middle East people are having dreams and that is a big way that they are also having their eyes opened to the possibility of something else. (TRUTH). I have had many dreams since then, but only one other one that I woke up sweating and feeling so urgent to pray. That has happened since I've been here and can't go into detail with it online. So please keep praying for us. The oppression is strong here. Pray that while I continue to learn to rest, I will keep hearing from God. And that this will fill me up!

"I am the bread of life..."

"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

      My last night at home was spent having dinner with Jim and Kristin's family, packing the last final things into my bag while one of my best friends Krista helped me clean my room and finishing everything. Then a midnight run to Jeff and Kara's to say goodbye. I will never forget the laughs we had that night. Inside jokes about Fula barbie, coconut flakes in the beverages, "kurds," and tears from laughter and from the thought of it being so long until we see each other again. I probably slept 3 hours that night because of excitement and anticipation of what was about to happen. 

     My little brother, Mom and Dad drove me to PDX that next morning and from then on it was just waiting to catch my flight. I got my last Jamba smoothie and pretzel and we just chilled together for what will be the last time for many months. I was sad to leave, but the anticipation was killing me..I just wanted to get on that plane and be there already! No tears were shed when I left, I was ready to go. 

    I met up with Russel, one of the boys from the youth group at home who would also be traveling with me to spend four months working at the center as well. We were one of the last to board the plane from Portland to Chicago. Like any good traveler does, they pack their carry on with the important things for traveling and in case bags go missing through all the chaos of switching flights. When I boarded the plane they said there was no room over head and that they were going to take my bag and check it to my final destination. I am not one to argue with people, especially strangers, especially adults. But I did NOT want my bag to be checked. I tried explaining my situation and that I had everything for the 2 days of traveling TO IRAQ in that bag and if there was anyway I could put it under my seat or take someone else's who would be getting off in Chicago. The lady was very rude and would not budge. She would barely even let me grab the copy of my passport and other important things I needed to keep on me. 

     I knew at that instant that this was the beginning of being stretched, being flexible and taking my go with the flow personality to a level its never been before. 

     The rest of traveling went smoothly. I slept A LOT and had good conversations with all the people I sat next to. I enjoyed the meals they provided and didn't need to take sleeping pills to find rest. I loved the time I had with Jesus and some of the pictures He gave me to comfort me. I was feeling the grieving of saying goodbye starting to set in. In Amman, Jordan we met up with the rest of the Salem team who was coming to run some meetings for the rest of the Kstan team. There I had my last Starbucks drink which was pointless since I usually only drink Vanilla soy chais  from Starbucks, or passionfruit teas and Amman had neither of those, so whatever coffee drink I had, I didn't even like and ended up giving it to Russel. We arrived at our final destination around 4am and it felt so good to finally arrive. 

    I was greeted by my roommate Erin who was nice enough to get up that early to greet me. She showed me where the bathroom was and explained that I can't flush anything down the toilet, I have to throw away my used toilet paper. 

The Kstan Team with the Salem Team
at retreat.
Photo Credit: Sean Oconnor

For the next week It was adjustment time, but in my mind I felt like a visitor. Since the rest of the Salem Team was there, we did all the basic touristy things at the beginning of the week and I was able to take part in them. I felt like I was watching a documentary video on life in Northern Iraq, and like the others I would be going home in a week or so. 

Everything smells different here. The food tastes saltier than I am used to. You can't drink the water from the sinks, and bottled water tastes different. Taxi's are everywhere and the buses look funny. Everywhere I go I get stared at. The call to prayer goes off in the night and during the day. Everything here is based on appearances and reputation. If you aren't careful something could change the way people think of you and what reputation we had could be changed. The first word I learned in Kurdish was Iba which means shameful or shame on you. 

Gorgeous Mountains
Photo Credit: Sean Oconnor

All this adjustment hit me pretty hard the first week. I was a wreck. I wasn't sleeping and it wasn't just because of jet leg. Whenever Steve spoke a message for us, I would cry. As soon as Sean started to lead us in music, I would have uncontrollable sobs. We left the city for a retreat in the gorgeous mountains, and all I wanted to do was be in my room. Thats not like me at all. I pushed myself to play games at night, which I had a blast doing, but initially I just wanted to be in my room. One night I laid in bed and crutched my bible so tightly praying that God would give me strength to make it through that night, because I felt no comfort..just attacks. It was a very, very hard first week. 

The neighborhood baker.

     There was a time though that week where it was just our salem team. There was no one else with us and we did a listening prayer. Trina started crying and said that bread is symbolic and a huge part of culture here. She reminded me of my confirmation in coming here happened in a bakery. The smell of bread is one of the sweetest and best smells that I had smelt that whole first week in being here. And that Jesus is the bread of life. She encouraged me to remember the confirmation every time I smelled bread. And to remember that He is the bread of life! He will never leave me or forsake me! 

A typical looking Nanohana (bakery)

    This is a great word to hear from Trina and brought me joy in remembering the calling to come, and how He has prepared this for me. It is okay to grieve and miss home, but that He would take care of my family back home, and He would take care of me here too. He is the bread of life!!
  I am thankful that God called me here, and I know that He has me here for a reason! I can't wait to see all the things I am going to learn from my time here!

Can I say "WIth you" when you don't show up on time?

    "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:" Ecclesiastes 3:1 Waiting for the Lords perfect timing is hard. At least it is for me. There was a sermon series they did titled "with you." One of the things that stood out to me during a hard season of waiting was "Will I still say "with you" even if He isn't letting things happen at the timing I want them too."   During the fall I was working at the dorm which was hard. Super fun but hard. Everyone was asking me when I would be leaving, how much more money I needed to raise and how I was doing. I really, really appreciated the support..but it was a hard season of waiting on God and not getting discouraged that the answer to those questions were usually "not sure, not much, and okay." I had sent out my support letters in the fall and the money just wasn't coming in. I was praying against discouragement, praying for a miracle, and holding onto His promise that this move is what I was supposed to do. I needed to be at the 75% mark for them to book my tickets, and tickets would be purchased a month from the departure date. So when Christmas rolled around and I was still no where close to being the 75percent mark with my funding, leaving for January was looking less and less likely. I didn't have a job for January since my commitment at the dorm was until Christmas and my bank account was looking pretty slim. But thankfully, once again God provided and gave me no reason to worry about His provision. I got paid for the full month of December from the dorm and was NOT expecting that. And then when I got back from Canada after Christmas with the family, Jamba was in need for someone to close more often so I got back on the schedule for almost full time work right away! It was disappointing that I wasn't going to be in the Middle East when I expected, but God for sure has His ways.

     For the last 5 years or so I have helped out with the C&MA District youth events they put on. They asked me to do their High School retreat in February, But initially I thought I would be gone. By the end of January tickets STILL weren't booked and I a little over a 3rd of where I needed to be financially. They asked if I would intern for DYC (District Youth Conference, as well as putting together their vision for the "fire starter" room. I kept working at Jamba, planned my Zumba fundraiser and took on this next role. Rewind a bit.. There is a great girl I did worship team with named Katie.

She is an incredible woman of God and an AWESOME Zumba instructor. I asked if she would help me and do a Zumba fundraiser to help get me here. So it was planned for the last weekend of January. The weekend before that I was reading about Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac and being the man of faith that he was, he went in that direction of obedience to sacrifice his son. But then last minute God provided an alternative sacrifice. This made me think that maybe I wasn't supposed to do this anymore. Maybe because the funds hadn't come in yet, God was saying thank you for being faithful to this point, but I don't want you to go anymore. This didn't sit well with me at all, and I wrestled with this possibility for a couple days. During those two days I let lies from the enemy flood my thoughts. I prayed and prayed for clarification.
     Then one day I was at my mentor's house for a second to drop something off. She asked how I was doing (cause she can read me like a wide open book) and I tried to say I was fine and then burst into tears.  Once I started crying she didn't believe me that I was fine anymore. I brought all the doubt and everything into the light and she prayed with me for clarification. I went home and told God I NEEDED another confirmation, and asked that He wouldn't let me get on a plane unless it was His will for me to spend this time here.
       The next day I got a call for the lady who has been helping me get here and she said I needed to come in immediately, they were ready to book my tickets. I was so confused cause I thought I had thousands to raise to even be at that 75% mark. I called her back the next day and confirmed that I would be ready to leave the beginning of March. Confirmation?? Check. Then Friday was my fundraiser. I woke up being SO filled with Joy from the Holy Spirit. I knew that it was going to be a good day. And all day there was little things brought to my attention of how this has been His leading and in His plan all along. He put me in places years ago that have helped get me to this place. Right before the fundraiser I got a call that my tickets had been booked, I would be flying out of PDX on March 9th! That night at the fundraiser we raised over $800! Confirmation, after confirmation after confirmation!
     Then, three weeks later of super hard work getting ready for this internship and running on average of 3, maybe 4 hrs of sleep a night, DYC happened! The weekend was awesome! I had so much fun running around the Red Lion hotel making sure everything was running smoothly for almost 600 people to grow and enjoy their time at this event. What I didn't know, is every year they take an offering at DYC. The offering has gone to things like Haiti or something like it.

     The day of the offering, the guys I was interning for was acting super funny. I shared that morning in front of everyone about my story and where I was planning on going..and then once I got off the stage they RUSHED me out of the building to go on a Starbucks run. In all the years I have done these retreats the coffee run has been a big deal, but not like it was this time!
      Then, that night Mike was being weird again about collecting the offering and making sure I stayed in the main conference hall to help with that and more importantly that I stayed close to him. I thought it was weird, but at the same time knew this could be a chaotic time. I was in the back after they collected the offering and the other staff members are counting it as fast as they can. I get a letter from one of the students that I didn't know and it talked about wanting to help support me financially, but their family wasn't able to help. She asked that even though we didn't know each other if we could be pen pals. I started tearing up and I wondered if they were giving me the offering. Then the main guy, Erik Williams calls me on stage to give the final amount the offering and Im trying to hold back tears. There they announce that the 2,000 would be going towards my trip!! SHOCKED! and EVERYONE knew!! They had announced it that morning when I left for the coffee run! Then, the next morning I get called on stage again...and I guess there had been more money added later that night and the total had multiplied. Over 5,000 had been given towards my trip!! Praise the Lord!!!! I couldn't stop freaking out with excitement!

Mike and Erik blessed me so much in so many ways that weekend. I was given an opportunity to serve..and not serve, but by planning an event for high school students! I was stretched and had to learn a lot about working with other people and getting tasks done on a deadline and trusting God with the outcome of such a big event. They blessed me by believing in me to help them with the event, and believing in the work I would be doing overseas. These guys are great and I'm so thankful for God's timing and allowing me to stay at home longer to be apart of this event. The next three weeks went by so fast! I finished my job at Jamba and for the first time in 4 years actually QUIT! I spent those weeks packing and being with the people I loved before saying goodbye for such a long time. I was so ready to leave, I didn't really take the time to process the fact that this would be the last time I would see so many amazing people!

My mentor Kara, my sister Kristin, and my Mom threw me a going away party before I came. I was disappointed cause I lost my voice. Kara's husband is the worship leader and he lead a worship set for me that night, and I couldn't even sing with him for the final time. But I was so filled up. I felt so loved that night and was encouraged by all those who believed in me and super stoked at Gods faithfulness in providing for me so much support!! I'll never forget that season of life.

I will continue to say "With You" even through the trials and the testing times.